Read my Poetry!

Divine Timing

05/20/2012 12:31:00

Divine Timing is the philosophy that there is a time and a place for everything. Along with others who begin to discover their higher self, I've often joked about Divine Timing even though again and again I've come across the truth in this philosophy. The most recent example of Divine Timing took place weeks ago along a river northeast of Phoenix. For weeks previous to this trip I struggled with releasing my feelings and experiences with men. When I spoke of the men in my life it was often laced with sarcasm and under tones of anger.

From my father to my husband I allowed men to control my life. I love my husband even though he controlled our life together. Truthfully, I was quite contented to be controlled by him because he let me get away with a lot. Even though I struggled with him leaving the planet before I wanted him to, I grew to realize his leaving was Divine Timing. Then, there was Mr. Williams. I was overwhelmed with anger at this man who stripped me of my fortune; my retirement dollars. I felt hatred toward him even though I never met him. I knew he was my greatest stumbling block. Try as I might I could not bring myself to release these feelings. I wanted to; I put effort into it, but it just wasn't happening. Then, at the edge of a river, out in nature and close to Mother Earth, a conversation took place which lead to these feelings surfacing and overflowing. Two loving friends were there for me, guiding and encouraging me. It became so easy to let it go. All the anger, frustration and ill will I'd been holding on to poured out and like a snake, slithered down to the river and disappeared into the waters to be cleansed, released and transformed into love. It was a tremendous weight lifting from me, never to return. I forgave. I forgave myself for allowing men to control me and I forgave them for their part. I was able to say "I forgive you, Mr. Williams, for taking all my money." Never mind how the dominoes fell in my life - I forgave. As in all my major releases an epiphany usually follows. I didn't feel that insight for several hours. Perhaps I was just enjoying the peace which comes with releasing negative feelings and anger filled thoughts.

That beautiful day came to an end and as we packed up, headed back up to the car and drove back into town, I felt light as a feather. I was full of peace and contentment. Back in town as we unpacked and got ready to part, we all hugged and said a few words about the wonderful time we all had. I remember standing in the parking lot, looking up to the heavens and saying, "I forgive you, Mr. Williams! And I can say now that I love you! And I appreciate you!" It was then the epiphany burst into my vision. It was like a lightening bolt, crackling and whipping around me. "OMG and Wow! I just realized, if it hadn't been for Mr. Williams, if it hadn't been for the other controlling men in my life, I undoubtedly would not be here at this very moment!" Visions of the changes that occurred in my life the last few years flew through my mind. No fortune, no husband and no house, I felt stripped down to nothing. Yet, I discovered so much more! I was filled with love and appreciation for these men - these precious men in my life!

In the days that followed I was amazed how my feelings were transformed and turned into love, forgiveness and gratitude. Especially with Mr. Williams and the Divine Timing that transpired in his own life, he played a key role in my own. I was given the opportunity to begin a new journey - a journey into self. My new journey is filled with discovery, insight, creativity, peace, genuine happiness and so much joy! I can honestly say I am very happy with who I am and where I am. I love my journey!

As I look at this experience I see it laid out before me, all with Divine Timing. An enormous release, guided by loving friends, given to Mother Earth, was exactly what was supposed to happen down at the river's edge. The wisdom that followed - the ability to really love and appreciate those who were involved in my pain - including myself - will always be cherished.

And, to end on a comical note, while all this was taking place, several single men moved into homes next to me and across the street from me. The Universe has a sense of humor that will fill you will laughter! All a part of the lesson - and believe me, I'm laughing!

Azrael

05/10/2012 07:32:00

I did not know what was in store

When my husband’s life was no more.

Grief set in when he went away.

All I wanted was for him to stay.

Our love was deep; we were as one

And when he left I was undone.

Not knowing grief could hurt so bad;

I didn’t know the depth of sad.

Grief so hard it consumed my life;

Full of pain, it slashed like a knife.

One day I sat and as tears flowed,

I cried out “Why did you have to go?”

All I wanted was to be with him.

I’d let go of life, this was not a whim!

To the heavens I begged “Please, take me”,

And Azrael spoke: “Let it be”.

In the blink of an eye I was transported,

By light and love I was fully supported.

Walking in light I felt peace and bliss

I took it all in, nothing would I miss.

No veil of death; I came to a place;

I had to stop for I saw his face!

In the mighty arms of a higher power,

I watched with love, no need to cower.

I saw he was well, his body healed.

All I needed to do was reach out and yield.

As I lifted my hand my intention was known.

A firm voice thundered, but with a loving tone,

“Not yet! Not yet, it is not your time!”

In an instant I was back, stopped on a dime!

That’s when I met Azrael who walks next to me,

Healing my grief and setting me free.

It’s an amazing gift Azrael did give;

I’ve no fear of death and no fear to live.

Feeling less lonely and more self renewal,

Azrael the Archangel, to me is a jewel!

This poem was inspired during the fresh period of grief after Jeff, my husband passed away. Azrael is the Archangel of Death. What many may not know is that Azrael not only comes to the dying to ease their transition, He also remains with the loved ones during their time of grieving. Azrael walked with me for many months easing my heartache,bringing comfort and gently encouraging me forward when grief seemed to overwhelm my life. Now, grief has transformed into joy with the knowing Jeff is where he is supposed to be - in the loving arms of his creator. Azrael gifted me with so much! I know Jeff continues to have a presence in my life. I occasionally see him and hear him; he is there should I call upon him. Through this experience with Azrael I released the fear of death. One of the biggest benefits this brought was the will to move forward without fear of living. This is a freeing of Self to be who I am. As I discover my Self, I see, live and speak my truth with joy! I am open to risk; the opportunities of growth. Life is GRAND!

I'm not sure why I am posting this today. Perhaps someone out there needs it. It's almost comical how my grief seemed to come to a sudden halt; it was as though I flipped a light switch. In a flash, grief melted into the background; I felt a tremendous freedom, like an eagle soaring to the heavens! In it's place I am filled with joy and a curiosity for my new journey. I live in appreciation for the opportunity to spend time with Azrael - a gentle and loving Archangel!

Living in the Moment - More than a Buzz Phrase!

04/04/2012 13:39:00

It may or may not seem strange that the more we chase something, the more it eludes us. Especially in our world today it seems we are always on the run – always trying to do as much as possible in as little time as necessary. Even though "living in the moment" is a popular buzz phrase, it's more often a challenge left by the wayside.

I always believed myself to be fortunate because of my personality type. I’m usually pretty laid back and take things at a fairly calm pace. I rarely allow anything or anyone to disrupt the tranquility I love to feel in my life. Recently I gave an example to a friend as we discussed the present day rush to get everything done. When I’m out in traffic I observe there is always at least one person who feels they must get ahead so they zoom through the yellow light even though everyone else has stopped. Then, as I drive toward the next traffic light, who do I see stopped there? Yep! It’s the same person who thought rushing ahead was getting them to their destination more quickly. This example always proves to me that rushing only appears to work well. It’s an illusion many are caught up in.

There are feelings associated with the habit of living in the moment. When I practice living in the moment I feel detached to what is going on around me. I feel like the observer, distanced from any chaos and buffered from strong emotions. At the same time I feel detached, I still have a clear focus on my present. As I focus on my present I continue to sense and enjoy what's going on around me. That’s a great thing because I love to have fun and laugh a lot! Living in the moment I can acknowledge my past is just that – my history and on occasion, a good point of reference – but not a good place to live. And I have desires and dreams, yet my future has not yet arrived and worrying about what’s going to happen would be wasted energy.

It takes practice and patience to become proficient at living in the moment. I work at mastering this ability because I believe it’s a habit well worth building. Living in the moment brings me to my truth, teaches me of self love and acceptance; helps me see the world in a new and fascinating way. Living in the moment brings joy to my life and clarity to my path. The benefits are boundless!

Years ago, during a Leadership Conference we did an exercise where we had to define the phrase "Be Here Now". My thoughts and words so enlightened a fellow attendee that I had it printed and framed. It says: To have a crystal focus on the present...To hear, see, smell, taste and touch as though for the first time...To observe what's before me in an open, unprejudiced way.

If you have a desire to “know thyself”, living in the moment will open this magical experience to you too! Namaste!

Angel Disappears!

03/12/2012 15:53:00

We began to gather inside the medicine wheel for the March Full Moon Celebration. Each month, as the quiet and darkness settle over the city we gather at Angel’s place. Working together we set up the Shining Wheel, placing stones to symbolize each position. Someone always clears the area with tingshaw bells. Others bring chairs, pillows and blankets for comfort or warmth. Everyone is given a pencil and piece of paper. As we come into the Wheel we bring or choose a percussion type instrument. We sing and drum, raising our energy. Often it feels as though we become a united and joyous force. We set aside drums and shakers and talk about what Grandma Moon provides, what she symbolizes and how she affects our life. In the darkness we write of our appreciation and manifested desires. Angel guides us through a meditation. Toward the end of the evening we do a burn, dropping our pieces of paper into a fire while watching the smoke of our intentions float up into the darkness and out to the universe. We always end these ceremonies standing in a circle within the Wheel. With our hands linked together we yell out our joy to Grandma Moon and the universe at large.

Each celebration, although similar in design, is quite different energetically. Wonderful things always happen in the Shining Wheel. Many experience the opening of senses in what seems like magical ways. Many experience the first signs of spiritual awakening within the love filled surroundings of Mother Earth. I always enjoy watching as everyone walks away from this celebration. The faces of friends glow with joy and enlightenment.

Angel encourages us to share our experiences. She knows we all grow and grasp greater understanding by hearing the variety of personal adventures which often occur during this event. Each month I see and feel new experiences. I've seen beautiful human auras. Occasionally I see bright spots of light. Several months ago, for the first time, I saw someone completely disappear. It jolted me! I not only saw this person disappear once, I saw them vanish twice in the same evening. Then, during the March Full Moon Celebration, Angel disappeared several times right before my eyes!

During the meditation I sat with eyes closed, immersed in happiness and feeling completely relaxed and peaceful. Caught up in Angel’s words and murmuring my own appreciation I suddenly felt I should open my eyes and take a look around. I glanced around the circle of friends and then my eyes rested on Angel. Seated directly across from me, soft light from nearby residences fell behind her and prevented me from clearly seeing her face. I couldn't tell if her eyes were open or closed. As I gazed over her head I looked for her aura. I saw the soft white glow of the energy close to her body. I held my gaze, looking for colors. As I took in her entire being I noticed she was disappearing from the ground up. I blinked my eyes, shook my head and looked again. She was definitely disappearing! As I watched her body evaporate it was as though she wasn't there even though I heard her continue to lead the meditation. The darkness of the grass, the sidewalk behind it and the building beyond that were all intact – all right there where she was supposed to be. Again, I blinked my eyes. I turned my head to the side, and looked back. Pieces of her were there but disappearing fast. Even the chair she sat on vanished. I could only see her hair this time. Another shake of my head and I looked away. It seemed absurd and I wanted to believe it was my vision but I knew what I was experiencing was real. I looked back to where she was supposed to be. Now I couldn’t take my eyes off her. She became visible again and just as quickly, again began to dissolve. This time I almost laughed. All that was remaining were her eye glasses. The reflection from a neighbor’s porch light made the glasses look eerie; little ovals of white light bouncing back at me. Angel ended the meditation and I glanced around the circle as she asked, “Would anyone like to share their experience tonight?” Everyone was quiet. I blurted out what happened. Later I would ask myself, "Was Angel really disappearing? Was she becoming pure energy? Or was I seeing Angel as she really is? Did it really matter?"

If I were the self of two years ago I would have thought perhaps I needed to seek professional help. Now-a-days this type of phenomena excites me but doesn’t seem so unusual. In what seems a short span of time I discovered I see auras and occasionally a ghostly figure or two. I hear voices now and again. I smell some of the most pungent odors. And I seem to feel energy more and more often. I feel quite relaxed as these strange things take place in my world. I also feel honored that Spirit dwells within and around me as I allow this transformation to unfold. Although I’ve no conscious idea where this path takes me, I am not afraid – and am indeed excited – as I continue to step forward! Namaste!

Why Clear your Home

03/07/2012 15:02:00

A year and a half has passed since I moved into a rental mobile home. So aged is this abode that I laughingly call it the "tin can". Before I moved in my Shaman friend, Reverend Adrianne came over and did a house clearing. It was an enlightening experience to say the least.

I met Adrianne through Angel, the owner of Lightworkers Gifts and Energy Healing Center. One day I was attending Tai Chi which had become a part of my routine in late 2008. One day as we were practicing Tai Chi this gal walks in, all bubbly and happy and asks if she can just sit in the circle with us. Angel introduced Adrianne to us and told us Adrianne was a Shaman. She sat next to me and I could feel her energy. I could feel a connection that would develop into a friendship. We met for breakfast several times and had great conversations. One day I told Adrianne I was moving. Adrianne, also fondly known as AJ, offered to do a house clearing for my new home. So one day, while everything was still in boxes, AJ met me at my new place. This was the first time I ever had my house cleared so I was excited about this experience. AJ walked around my rental property while I took notes on several things that needed to be on my inspection report or repaired by the management company. She was very thorough and detailed and before long I had a decent list going. It had been years since I had a rental property and I didn’t look at it the same way she did. For me this part of her service was above and beyond and very appreciated.

Before we began the ceremony I told Adrienne about the form of a human adult I saw one day as I was leaving. She smiled and told me there was more than one but she was happy I confirmed what she was already sensing. She said she felt there was more than this one entity and would know for sure after she completed the clearing. In the front room AJ laid out her mesa which contained a variety of tools such as a rattle, a smudge fan and wand, a candle, some gemstone crystals and totems. Then AJ began to explain exactly what she would be doing and how I would help. She said she would begin at the back of the house and would check out every nook and cranny, every closet, drawer and shelf and every room. She told me not to be surprised if she climbed counters or crawled into small spaces. As she did, she would clear the space of any and all old energies. She said I could help by carrying a lighted candle and lighting the sage wand if it went out. She explained to me that she worked with the spirit Big Thunder. As she spoke she laughed and said “He’s telling me his real name is Thunder but I call him big Thunder because he is so huge – he makes himself so large and wears a feathered headdress that is gigantic and flows a long way behind him." AJ said she calls Mother Earth Pachamama which is what the Incas call the Earth. She wanted me to be familar with these names because she would use them as she cleared space. She also let me know that we would not talk during the clearing unless she was giving me instructions. If there was anything I wanted to know I could ask her after the clearing was completed. When AJ was finished explaining everything she sent me outdoors where I sprinkled tobacco all the way around the property. She told me this was to protect all my property so I needed to sprinkle around everything I wanted to include.

When I came back inside we began at the back of the house and I carried the candle as I watched AJ. In the bedroom AJ saged and chanted while walking around the room. She stopped at the bedroom closet. She stepped into the closet, then got down on her hands and knees. She seemed to focus on something I couldn't see or feel. She backed out of the closet and instructed me to how to sage the room as she worked in the closet. She told me there were three entities all huddled in the corner of the closet. They didn't want to leave. She was going to open a portal for 60 seconds and during that time they would leave. This was the most she spoke to me during the entire event. We made our way through the rest of the house without anything similar happening. Ending the ceremony in the front room, AJ knelt in front of her mesa, placing all her tools back on the colorful cloth. She looked up at me and as she smiled she said, "You new space is cleared and it's just you now. Do you have any questions?" You bet I did! I asked her about the bedroom closet and she described what she saw. There were two little girls huddled in the corner of the closet. Along side the girls stood a man - undoubtedly the man I'd seen myself. She said she got the feeling that the girls actually lived in the mobile home some time ago. She didn't know if they died there or not but for some reason their spirits remained. She said the man didn't ever live inside this space but she felt he was perhaps a frontiersman who wandered through the valley many decades ago. She told me she had to let them know they were dead and it was time to leave the Earth plane. Opening the portal was successful and they were no longer in my space. I asked if spirits could just pop in and think they lived here with me and she laughed and said, "No, Big Thunder took care of that - he put a big sign over your front door that says No Vacancies!"

During the last many months I've cleared my space many times. I do this to keep my space clear and to move out energies which I feel aren't needed or desired. I've used smudge wands, rattles, my drum and also clapping my hands. I've found the most effective method for me is the drum or rattle. These not only get rid of old energies, they also raise my energy and make this place feel very homey. I've never seen anyone else who doesn't belong here - except what I've manifested myself. But that's another story altogether!

Forgiveness is Fabulous!

01/15/2012 13:21:00

Forgiveness is a powerful emotion and action. It is a release of negative, useless energy. By learning forgiveness one can move forward with a lighter step, enjoy life more fully and be spiritually and mentally at peace. When I consider my own benefits from learning to forgive, I see myself beginning to stand taller and straighter. I experience peace of spirit.

I have a shelf unit in my home where I display family pictures. I began to sit in front of the pictures and often took a picture in my hands. As I looked at the pictures I thought back to moments in time where I felt I'd been hurt or wronged. I looked directly at the faces in these pictures and released old wounds and hurts. Quite often I would talk about the experience while forgiving not only that person but also forgiving myself. This took some time but with each healed wound I began to feel whole. I began to feel love for myself and I began to feel the love my family has for me. The burden I had been carrying was getting in the way of fully loving others. I talked to my parents, the first time in years. I told them of old wounds I'd thought of over the years. Memories that made me feel unworthy and unpretty. I heard my deceased parents whisper their love for me; almost felt them holding me. It was the beginning of so many lessons! A year or more after embarking on the path of forgiveness I was suddenly enlightened. One day as I realized those I'd forgiven had or have their own path, their own contract when existing in this reality. I thought of my folks and how they were raised, the beliefs and experiences they brought into their union and how they managed to their life, family and careers based on these things. My heart went out to them. I was experiencing empathy and compassion! I was ever so tenaciously walking in their moccasins, seeing a different perspective! I thought back to situations where I'd practiced forgiveness and began to understand why some instances were life-changing.

A little more than forty years ago there was a space in time where I practiced forgiveness which benefited me ever since. I have an adopted sister. For years, as children, we antagonized each other. Because of family circumstances negative feelings ran high related to her adoption. As a child I believe I picked up on those negative feelings and I hated her and wished her misery. Fortunately, as I grew into adulthood, I became curious about my adopted sister. I was confused by my feelings of ill will and wondered why we never got along. One day I was so curious I called her and invited her over. She jumped on the invitation. We got together for one of many sessions where we dissected our feelings, the family dynamics and the "why" behind our childhood emotions. As we talked we discovered we really liked each other. It was the beginning of a strong and loving bond between us that is quite different from my other sibling relationships. Recently I thought back to the period of time where we expressed our feelings and forgave each other. Because this experience was so potent I can visualize it even now. As I visualize I feel again the great release of negative emotions. I feel once more the wondrous joy that filled me in its place. I feel the respect and love which were born back then. Through the years I have remained a little in awe at this experience. Adoption notwithstanding my sister is a true sister; she is a soul sister. She is such an integral part of my life I cannot imagine being disassociated from her as I once was. When I think of my sister I am filled with love for her and I'll forever be grateful I was brave enough to step toward her in peace.

"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong."

~Mahatma Gandhi

I Am Gifted the Munay-Ki Rites

12/03/2011 06:23:00

The prophecies of the ancient Incas speak about the present – our present – as a period of wondrous transformation, a time when humans will make a remarkable difference in the world. They foretell of a new human appearing on Earth - a person of wisdom and power, recognizing their true divine nature, living free of fear and accepting stewardship for all creation. I witness from day-to-day the awakening of more and more individuals who are seeking a path of enlightenment. I believe these prophecies have begun to take place.

The Munay-Ki is the nine rites of initiation to become that person of wisdom and power. These nine rites are common to all shamanic traditions even though they are expressed in different forms and styles in different cultures. They originate from the great initiations from the Hindus Valley which were brought to the Americas by the first medicine men and women crossing the Baring Straits from Siberia some 30,000 years ago. The Munay-Ki rites are gifted or handed down from teacher to student; given to those are ready and feel a calling for this initiation. It is an amazing experience!

The Rites of the Munay-Ki transform and upgrade an individual’s luminous energy field. They are energetic transmissions that heal the wounds of our past - our karmic and genetic inheritance. These energetic transmissions re-inform our DNA, enabling us to grow a new body - one that ages, heals, and dies differently. The Munay-Ki is a summons to dream a new world into being.

Adrianne “Dancing Spirit”, a practicing Shaman and wonderful friend, transmitted these rites for a group of five of us. She was educational and informative as she taught us each of the rites – what each rite means and how it will impact our future. She emphasized our connectedness to all other living things and the importance of us taking care of our world and each other. She explained each initiation and rite; the bands of protection and the planting of seeds of pure potential. She taught us it would be up to us as to what we would do with it.

During the first four rites I could feel the energy and then felt a little light headed. Then, during the Seers Rites, Adrianne bent down and whispered, close to my ear, “You were my teacher”. I immediately began to softly cry. From the depths of my spirit I already held this knowledge. I knew I was Shaman in at least two past lives. The entire day of the rites I felt a tremendous energy between us. It was more energy than what I usually felt. I felt a little headachy. But I was happy we connected as we did because I’ve always been drawn to her and knew we were somehow connected. Our time together was powerful, almost like sparks flying between us. When she completed the Seers rites, I stood and turned to her. She looked at me as though looking into my soul and with so much love I could feel it coming at me in waves! She said “You were my Shaman, my teacher! And you know that, don’t you?” I nodded and told her how I’d been feeling all day. We hugged and cried together, hugs and tears of joy at being reunited. We talked about how amazing it was that we met again in this life time.

Now, how COOL is THAT?

We all met again on two additional occasions to complete the rites. During the time between these sessions I practiced the fire ceremony, pulling smoky fire into each chakra and making statements such as “With fire I feed the Serpent, growing this seed, feeding it well”. During our second meeting we did an additional two rites and had to stop. The energy surge and the visions from these rites were potent. I could see colors blazing in front of my closed eyes. The energy was so strong we were all wiped out after the sixth rite. We sat for some time in a mild stupor and Adrianne decided we would stop for the day.

In our last session we completed the remaining three rites. When Adrianne completed the ninth rite with me, she leaned into me and laughing softly she said, “You are so easy….it just happens with you.” I felt as though I were floating on air after the rites were finished. I kept grounding myself and did some walking but continued to feel light as a feather. I saw myself out on a high, wooded mesa, in the dark of night, gathered with others around a fire. I was helping others, channeling healing energy. The air was crisp but I felt warm and full of love. I immersed myself in the feeling of that love and the vision, enjoying it. I didn’t want to talk about it; I just wanted the feeling to sink into every cell of my body, my spirit. We all lingered long enough that I began to feel normal again before we left.

The Munay-Ki rites initiation seemed to make me feel calm in spirit and comfortable in my power and knowledge. I began to feel confident with the things I’d learned over the last few years. Then other things began to happen in the weeks following our last gathering.

One morning after talking to Tina, a close friend who also took the rites, I had a “come to Jesus” meeting with my ego. I was lying on the floor of my front room and I began to speak to the Universe. “I get it. I understand. I must begin to care for myself, my body as well as my mind. I will eat properly and trim down. I will get more exercise. I will quit smoking.” I cried as I released what I had been trying to run from. I knew in my heart I needed to be healthy to continue to live well, without pain, without all the unneeded weight, without the breathing difficulties. I laid on the floor for some time remembering back to the times where these physical challenges were born. I forgave. I sent love. I forgave and loved myself. I’d been down this road before. This time there was an urgency, a sincerity. Afterward I felt better. Unknown to me at that time there was more to face.

I don’t know if it was because of the Munay-Ki or a combination with the holidays coming on that brought on depression for more than a week. At first I did nothing but when the depression continued I began to take a natural supplement to help with the depression. It didn’t seem to help even though it had always helped in the past. I thought for sure it was the holidays and missing Jeff. I became angry and with the anger I lamented my lost life. I hadn’t released grief for some time. Memories flooded over me. My anger rose and tears of loss spilled down my face. I lifted my head to the heavens and roared out, “I want to go back! I want my wealth back! I want my Jeff back! I want my house back! Why can’t I just go back to the good times, to a life I loved?” I let myself wallow in self pity as I remembered my old life. As if Angel, my Reiki Master knew, she called me as this was happening. I tried to cover up but it spilled out in questions. I asked her if maybe it was okay to dwell on the past, to wish I was still there. Then I told her what I’d been yelling at the Universe. Angel pointedly asked me questions. “Who are you now? Tell me what you have.” I told her, “OK, I have a good bed, I have furniture in my front room, I have things around me I like…” Angel interrupted, “You’re describing material things. Tell me what you have!” I thought a moment and, a little humbled, I said “Me. I have me for the first time in my life. I control my life and no one tells me what to do or when to do it.” I went on and described the abundance in my life, the love that surrounds me and all the inner change I’ve exerienced. After our talk I took more time to let sink in what I just stated. I seemed to be through the crisis. And yet, there was still more.

For several weeks I’d been waking up between 3 and 4 AM. Tina told me the numbers indicated I was being downloaded by the Archangels. This continued during the weeks following the last of the Munay-Ki rites. One morning, after waking up early once again, I laid there, just plain tired and wishing to sleep in peace. I began to talk to the Universe, the Great Spirit and stated out loud, “Okay, Okay, OKAY! I give up! I surrender! Whatever it is that is being pushed at me, I accept it! I surrender, I accept.” I laid there limp as a rag, weary of the fight, the frustration. As I spoke these words over and over I began to envision what was in store for me. Oh yes, deep down in the core of my being, I already knew. I am such a stubborn creature! Later that morning, as I picked up around the house, I packed up a stack of books Tina brought for me to read. I wouldn’t have time for these. They would have been entertaining and perhaps enlightening however, these were not the books I should be studying. I sat down and selected a few books on the internet and ordered them. They were books about reading auras. What I had seen in the early morning hours was a vision of me reading auras for others and incorporating aura reading into my Reiki sessions as a tool. Once I recognized and voiced this, it seemed as though relief washed over me. My depression immediately lifted and I was my old joyful self again.

It’s often comical how true I am to the Gemini characteristics. Stubborn to a fault, I’d been running from developing my gift of seeing auras. I’d run so fast that I’d lost the ability to see colors. I blamed this on not being in the Lightworkers Center location but in truth, I was denying something that will play a role in the growth toward my highest potential and what I can offer to others.

I believe the Munay-Ki rites, the planting and feeding of the seeds of potential, had a dramatic effect on making things happen more quickly and with a dedication to accomplishing my goals. Yes, I would have eventually gotten there the long way around; it was the Munay-Ki that sped up the process, forcing me to drop my stubbornness and helping me to face my truth.

Adrianne, my dearest Teacher, my student of the past, I am in deepest appreciation to you. The very first time we met, when you visited a Tai Chi class and sat next to me, I knew we were connected and destined for something wonderful. I honor you, Adrianne and am honored by your guidance, your knowledge and your love. Thank-you once again for this amazing gift! Namaste!

I Wish I Were A Tree

10/26/2011 09:46:00

How I wish I were a tree!

Growing wild and living free.

Each day reaching to Father Sun,

Gathering light till day is done.

The gifts are many I give to all –

Living creatures, great and small.

Tiny bugs crawl to scavenge my bark,

Some by day, some in the dark.

Bear shows up to sharpen his claws,

Careful, Bear, my skin you’ll maul!

He scratches his back, leaning on me,

Must feel good to shake up the fleas!

A golden honeycomb might be found,

In branches where it’s tightly bound.

All kinds of birds come to build their nests;

A place for new life and a place to rest.

They sing to me their lovely songs,

One at a time or in great throngs.

Moss is seen at my earthy base,

Nature’s gift of delicate lace.

Ivy grows in a swirl of vines,

Creeping gently up my spine.

Mighty branches reach up to the sky –

Great for climbing if you’re young and spry!

Clothed in leaves of beautiful hues;

The color depends on the season you choose.

Offering shade in summer’s heat,

The animals come to cool and meet.

At night there’s work, cleaning the air,

Releasing oxygen with quiet flair.

Standing alone or in a forest expanse,

Where in the wind we seem to dance.

No human problems, no mortal cares,

I stand tall and proud, putting on no airs.

Although I need nourished, what I give back is free.

Give me a hug and appreciate me!

Two Years Later...

10/24/2011 08:19:00

I awoke with a start this morning as though I were on a mission. With curiosity I looked at the clock and it was 3:57 AM. Although it has been two years, I feel mixed about the time. It feels like it was so long ago and yet, I see myself moving through that time like it was yesterday. Two years ago today, in the early morning hours, Jeff left my world. Did he shake me awake today to remind me?

I feel fortunate that Jeff called out to me. In those last two years I was ever near, yet on that morning Jeff had moved from his chair to the bed without waking me. He cried out to me. I lay on the couch, confused because he weren't there. It took me only a moment to clear my head - there was something different, urgent, in his voice. I was propelled into action, flying off the couch and racing down the hall to find him on the bed, writhing in pain. I searched frantically for the Nitro tablets only to find empty bottles. I dialed 911. I raced to fling open the front doors. The EMT had visited before and I knew they would walk in without knocking. Instinct told me this event was different. I'm so blessed I had those last minutes with him. I cradled Jeff in my arms and told him help was on the way. I spoke words of love and comfort to him. My lips against his ear, I must have whispered "I love you" a hundred times. The only other words rushing from my depths were to tell him not to leave me. Suddenly. the emergency team was there, filling the room. Time seemed to speed up and I watched while they worked on him. As I answered questions my eyes watched the team work with pronounced urgency I hadn't seen in past episodes. Little papers seemed to float and almost suspend in the air. Later, I would clean up packaging from all the sterile things they pulled from their kits. One of them spoke, "We have to get him to the hospital - NOW!" They lifted Jeff as though he were weightless, laying him on a crash cart. With the emergency team hovering, Jeff disappeared down the hall, out the door and into the ambulance. In hurried words I let the crew know I was right behind them - as soon as I could dress and drive to the hospital.

We each choose how, when and where to leave our human body. I understand this so clearly now. I was not to be there when Jeff actually died. But it must have looked comical that morning, my trying to make it to the hospital. I dressed hurriedly and ran to the car. Damn! It wouldn't start! No recent problems with it but that morning it wasn't going to take me to the hospital. I jumped out and looked at the neighbor's houses. It was so early no one was up, no one was moving around; it was still dark. I ran back to the house and called for a cab, then returned to the curb. Adrenalin racing, I paced the sidewalk impatiently. The cab didn't come. I ran back to the house and called the cab company again. Somehow they got the address wrong! They apologized and said they were near and would be there directly. As soon as I hung up I got a call from the hospital. They wanted to know if I was going to come over. "YES!" I shouted - "as soon as the cab arrives!" I hung up with them and froze. They never called me before. Of course, they never had to wait on me in the past and I was never needed, always gently pushed aside while Jeff was cared for. WHERE WAS THE CAB? I paced in and out of the house. A second call came from the hospital. The caller let me know that I was to stop at the Emergency desk on my way in. WHERE WAS THE DAMN CAB? My gut was twisted; I was overwhelmed with dread. From deep within I knew what had already happened. My body began to understand too. I started slowing down - my mind and body were already accepting what my heart didn't want to face. I looked around for the first time that morning. It had turned light, the sun coming up and the early Autumn air was cooling me as I now sat patiently. The cab finally arrived and I was on the way. I knew my actions were after the fact. At the hospital I was guided into a small side room where a Chaplin waited. I wanted to scream, to run away! It seemed as though I were walking through a dream. If only I would wake up! The Chaplin made small talk until she saw I wasn't going to be social. With tears brimming, I told her, "I know what's happened". She said I needed to speak with the doctor and then she drew into herself and I could see her relief. I knew I was there for that announcement. A funny thought crossed my mind. I wondered if the doctors hung out in their break area, not wanting to voice the news to family, perhaps trying to get someone else to do it. I felt compassion for them - it had to be one of their toughest tasks. I thought, "Come on, Doc, I already know. Just say the words so it's out there". It seemed like hours passed even though it really wasn't long before the doctor walked in. I stood and faced him, looking into his eyes as he spoke. His words seemed to hang in the air as I took them in one by one. On this morning, two years ago, my life dramatically changed. My best friend, my buddy and partner - the love of my life - left his pain behind, along with his weary human form, and became a part of the spiritual world which exists in and around me.

Yes, Jeff chose his time with intent. His intention was to ascend to the spirit world while I was forced to take time to slow down, begin to take it in and become calm. If time had not elapsed before I arrived at the hospital I would have literally flown apart. I would have been difficult to deal with. I would not have faced the truth with an open heart. I would have pushed it all away, full of denial. I wouldn't have been prepared for the finality of those words before they exploded into my understanding.

Jeff's spirit was vibrant in life. He lived well, laughing and loving through the years. We had a spectacular life together. His spirit remains near as well as vibrant. Many curious phenomenon take place in my life. Jeff's energy continues to exist and has only changed form. Only hours after his death, Jeff appeared to a close friend while others felt his presence and heard him speak. It was later that day when I first experienced his spiritual nearness. He came to me singing the song "Always and Forever". As bizarre as it may seem to others, I was given the gift of seeing his form several times. Many of us continue to occasionally see him and hear from him. Living in a world of time, space and form, we humans have the wondrous ability to "see" beyond. I have chosen to be open to these experiences because they bring comfort, delight and greater spiritual understanding.

I'm so very, very blessed to have had the opportunity to love and live part of my life with Jeff. The period of consummate grief has passed. Writing the poem "Loved by Jeff" and releasing his ashes marked the end of that moment-to-moment grief where I existed for so long. In recent weeks I've been experiencing the joy of living in the present and the urgency to move on at a greater pace. I sorely miss Jeff in my human life. Wonderful memories and laughter at our times together are great comfort to me as I move forward without the fear of death. For death is only a breath away and he will be there. I love you my darling Jeff, always and forever...

Speaking with Love

10/17/2011 11:41:00

A simple concept is to “love one another”.

But words often hurt our sisters and brothers!

When words are spoken where arrows fly,

The unseen is judged – It’s too late to deny.

Ask for protection; call your Angels to be near;

Be aware of your words and consider what you hear.

From mortal eyes we each see our world;

What one sees as straight, another sees curled.

Push away the negative that others may show –

Set boundaries for self; protect your spirit’s glow.

Then cut away all which for you does not serve;

Choose kinships that keep your soul preserved.

Speak from the heart with kindness and love;

What is voiced to the universe will return from above.

I’ve found it so true what we sow we will reap –

It becomes our reality, those words which we speak!

While this is all good it’s important to know –

Speaking our truth is a part of life’s flow.

Holding back what eats at our hearts or our minds,

Can prevent moving forward; Spirits unaligned.

Use kind loving words; choose well what you say.

Sow and reap love on your journey’s pathway!

Speaking from hearts filled with love ever flowing,

Yields a world full of light forever glowing!